Writer, opinionista, essayist, perfumista, picker-up of unconsidered trifles, contributor to all sorts and conditions of publication from the Daily Mail to New Humanist, devoté of Pliny Maior, author of The Chronicles of Bargepole, Big Babies and Lost Worlds, currently working with the great Mike Stoller (of Leiber & Stoller) on a musical about Oscar Wilde. Teach the occasional spot of Tragedy to keep my eye in. Pilot, harpsichordist, cook, photographer, red-hot lover  and self-deluding old goat.

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    Float Like a Butterball, Sting Like a Squid

    Another own goal by the Telegraph in its hurtle downhill to the Mail and beyond; posing under false names and making secret recordings is the stuff of the lower-order red-tops. But facilis descensus Averno, and their "findings" haven't helped their Tory cause. What have we discovered?

    • Vince Cable could utterly tuogh up the Graber government
    • He also loathes Murdoch and everything he stands for
    • They don't think Wanker Cameron has actually become a Liberal
    • Wanker isn't immediately clearly a hundred per cent sincere
    • George "Slitherin" Osborne has a capacity to get up one's nose and has no experience of how people live.
    • There are some Tories you can live with and others who are beyond the pale
    • You have to play the hand you're dealt
    • Ken Clarke is a decent man
    • Janet Suzman is an admirable figure
    • etc.

    How is this wearily self-evident stuff meant to support Cameron and his chums? And why pose as LibDem-voting constituents to get the "scoop"? A conversation between an MP and his constituents is neither privileged nor private; it is a continuation of public discourse, no matter how much the Telegraph may wish otherwise, a bit like those old BBC interviews which went

    BBC MAN: Today we are privileged to have the Chancellor of the Exchequer to tell us a little about his forthcoming Budget. Chancellor, perhaps you could tell us a little about your forthcoming Budget.

    CHANCELLOR: Blah drone waffle etc

    [20 minutes later] BBC MAN: Thank you, Chancellor.

    Poor politics. Poor journalism. Poor Telegraph.



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