Writer, opinionista, essayist, perfumista, picker-up of unconsidered trifles, contributor to all sorts and conditions of publication from the Daily Mail to New Humanist, devoté of Pliny Maior, author of The Chronicles of Bargepole, Big Babies and Lost Worlds, currently working with the great Mike Stoller (of Leiber & Stoller) on a musical about Oscar Wilde. Teach the occasional spot of Tragedy to keep my eye in. Pilot, harpsichordist, cook, photographer, red-hot lover  and self-deluding old goat.

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    Promise :: Deliver

    New Year Resolution (if we make it):

    (1) Under-promise

    (2) Over-deliver

    In this, I am inspired by the Government.


    The Big Society, everyone nice to everyone, Citizen Government, fairness, accountability, no education cuts, a spirit of friendly co-operation etc. etc.


    Riots, tuition fees, reducing most universities to penury without actually closing down the bad ones, Clegg feeling "really bad, really bad", the country feeling even worse, Julian Fellowes be-lorded as some sort of "arts" representative (but a decent chap, knows which knife and fork to use, won't rock the boat, one of us, may not be so much a representative of the arts as a bogus-heritage peddled of startling genius but as we used to say in the Bullingdon, "Oh bugger, I think I'm going to be sick"), tax-avoider Philip Green as unelected demiurge, "Lord" Sugar, a delisted Spanish shopping-mall outfit fucking up Heathrow when it snowed, British Airways wheeling out that ludicrous little Ulsterman Wee Willy Walsh to not apologise for taking the phones off the hook and the pages off the website after the Spanish shopping-mall outfit BAA fucked up Heathrow, a horrible and cost-uneffective assault on the poor, the damaged, the vulnerable and the losers who are the price we pay for a society in which the winners really really win, GPs running the NHS whether they like it or not (they don't, except the few GPs who were so bad at medicine that they had to go into medical politics... Well, happy Christmas, Lord "Wanking Robot Carved from Ham" Snooty and your blank-faced punch Nick "Lube" Clegg.

    That's the way to do it! cries Mister Punch. Just before Jack Ketch comes with his little noose.


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